This time last year I was looking after my then 3 week old. It was a time of emotional up heal – scary, awestruck, lonely, loving, despair. My feelings where jumping around from one high to a very low, low. I was madly in love with my son, but at the same time was scared of some of the sleep deprived thoughts I had. What I wouldn’t admit to myself, yet alone my husband was that I was suffering from post natal depression (PND).

 

I was ashamed to admit, to myself, my family and my  OB that I wasn’t coping, that I was finding it extremely difficult, that I was scared of my feelings. I thought that I had to be super women. Someone who could do it all – look after a newborn, keep the house clean and tidy,  keep up a fitness regime to lose the pregnancy weight gain and just be a happy, sunny person.

 

Did all that happen? NO. I felt like such a massive failure. The baby took up all my time, and I hated the emotional thoughts that came along with that. I was snappy at my husband all the time, would turn on him at any given moment for no excusable reason. I just wanted to lash out and he was it.

 

I felt like a massive failure with breast feeding. I felt inferior, how could I not give my son the best thing for him. I dismissed all the surrounding circumstances that led to me not being able to breast feed and just blamed myself for failing, letting my son down. It took a good 4 months for me to realise that formula feeding isn’t a bad thing, and I was giving my son the most important sustenance to thrive – nourishment.

 

I fear that this is going to repeat itself when this new baby comes along. This time, I’m learning from my lessons. I am going to speak to my OB about managing PND. If I have problems breastfeeding this time round, I’m not going to mentally punish myself, my now 12 month old is not sick or deprived or less bonded with me, due to formula. Women place too much pressure on each other. Let’s stop stigmatising women who can’t breast feed and start acknowledging and praising that they are doing the right thing.

 

I’m also strategising on how to keep a tidy house (very different from clean) with the minimal time I’ll have while looking after a demanding 14 month old and a new born, I’ve talked this over with my husband, we’re going to try it but this time, without the pressure. If it doesn’t pan out I’ll have to tolerate some mess, until there is more time on the weekend to clean the house.

 

Which I must admit is going to be difficult for me. I’m a control freak. I like to control things and make sure they come out as to how I expect them to.

 

The lessons I’m taking away as my experience as a first time mum is this – you cannot plan for and expect things to go as planned. It will be a new journey, if embraced and expectations are thrown out the window, this time round, this journey will be different and more so challenging than the first. As long as I’m honest to myself, respectful to myself and my family and loving to myself and my family then that’s all that matters.

 

Remembering to “Love and Respect”.

 

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I’ve had enough…I cannot ignore the mess that is my closet anymore. The clutter and general untidiness has got to go. I can no longer live with what I coined “my disorganised chaos” Take a look at this:

I got cleaning. First I went through my clothes. I went through everything asking myself would I wear this again after the baby is born and lose the baby weight? If yes I kept, if no I put in the donation pile.  Next I moved all my work clothes into the study wardrobe to give me some much-needed space plus I won’t be reaching for these clothes in the next year.

Here’s my little man, being a good little boy and helping mummy out.

Then I focused my attention on my vanity. It looked like a bomb had hit it! Some general tidying up and putting things where they belong, soon got the vanity looking organised and clean.

And the finished product:

This took me 3 hours to do, on and off while entertaining my little man. Can I just say how nice it feels to go into my closet now.

Happy smiles all round.

I can’t believe I’m doing it…done it… my first post!

Welcome to my very first entry to The Chronicles of Jennifer, my blog chronicling all things weight loss, health, fitness, fashion, beauty, makeup, organisation, photography, food – basically all things Jennifer. My blog will be the ramblings of my life and how I’m traveling. What destinations I choose to travel and how I go about getting there.

I’ve started this blog for two main reasons:

  1. I’ve been reading other people’s blogs for years and have been inspired to attempt this thing called “blogging”. Yes, yes, I’ve taken the leap and started today.
  2. I want to chronicle my life mostly focusing on the things that I love, like: family, photography (I’m such a novice, it is my mission to take a course and learn to take good photos!), health and fitness ( I want to get my groove back, more on this to come so stay tuned folks), weight loss (I’m currently 31 weeks pregnant, I have this pregnancy weight gain to lose plus also the 15kgs I gained with my first pregnancy 13 months ago – yes if you’ve done the maths my boys will be close to 14 months apart, there will be fun times I tell you), make up and beauty and finally organising my home.

I want to kick start my blog by giving you a little glimpse of my life. I’m a mother to a beautiful 1 year old, pregnant with baby number 2 (currently 31 weeks) a wife and a full time worker so time is very precious to me and also hard to find. To be honest, it’s also an easy excuse when I’m feeling lazy and don’t feel like doing something. My intent is to change this, and chronicle it on my blog, how I overcome these feelings. Looking back at the previous years there are definitely lessons learnt and things I will do differently when baby number 2 arrives. I am a woman on a mission, as you will see. I will find the time to fit in things that matter and are important to me.

I have very good feelings, I’m changing my outlook in life. I will travel a path of self-discovery to find me, the beauty and joy in life and no longer look at situations as the glass half empty but rather half full. I am going to make my heart excel and shine in everything that I love and inspires me – whatever that is.

Listed below are some of the good intentions I intend on fulfilling and blogging about:

  1. Start a blog – tick
  2. Lose 20kgs (pregnancy 1 and pregnancy 2 weight gain)
  3. Improve my health – better eating and taking good for me supplements (e.g. iron, vitamins, fish oil)
  4. Run 5ks under 60 minutes
  5. Run 10ks under 1hr
  6. Run a half marathon
  7. Improve my swimming/go to swimming classes

8. Start riding my road bike again

  1. Enter into a sprint triathlon
  2. Learn to use my Cannon 550D DSLR
  3. Get my house organised (wardrobes, cupboards, draws, de-cluttered)
  4. Build my MAC/cosmetics collection.

I’ve taken the plunge and started my blog, the rest will follow – just you watch. The space will be filled with how I’m travelling with my intentions and other interesting bits and bobs that I are interesting in my life. I definitely want to share my journey into weight loss and fitness, and how I find motherhood this time round compared my first.

I don’t know how often or how frequently I will be updating my blog. As of today I’m still working full time. I go on maternity leave in 3 weeks – Yay and Boo at the same time. I love my job and will miss it while on leave, but at the same time I’m more excited about baby number 2 joining my family. As you can tell, I will be pressed for time either way. My aim will be to do updates
three times a week – it will be a bonus if I can do more, however my hands will be full with two little baby to look after so all I’m saying is I will update when I can.

Please stick around, bear with my rambles and join in when you can. I would love to hear from other likeminded people.

So, grab a cup of coffee or tea, sit back and enjoy my rambles that are to come.

That’s if for now folks